Embrace The Suck

"Embrace The Suck" is one of my favorite military terms. I, myself, am not a member of the military though I would have liked to have been had my health not prohibited it. I do, however, know many of our brave men and women who fight for this country and our freedoms. My brother (remember that you do not have to be blood to be family) is a member of the United States Army. My dear friend Heather was a member of the United States Air Force. A good friend who I crossed paths with quite accidentally is a Marjah Marine and wounded warrior. "Embrace the suck" is a phrase I have heard repeatedly and is a motto drilled into me. 

To embrace the suck is to to accept that whatever it is that you're doing may very well suck and may very well hurt and be something terrifically hard to get through and holding on to the knowledge that failure will suck so much more. Everybody falls down during their lives and scrapes their knees and bloodies their hands. We're all the victims of disappointment and frustration when plans we put in motion and are looking forward to are suddenly and forever derailed. There is no doubt about it: life is going to put you in the trenches at various times and when that happens there's only one thing that the strong person can do and that is to embrace the suck. Please do not misunderstand. Being strong does not mean that you don't struggle or that you're always happy or getting through it all with your head held high. In actuality, being strong is more about knowing that it's OK to not be OK and that to have the courage to let others know that you're not OK.

So how does one go about fully embracing the suck? First you must identify the suck which can be a painful process because we often don't want to delve that deeply into our pain and trying experiences but we must. You must discover what it is exactly that is hurting, why it's hurting and how long it has been hurting. Those who say that they can't identify the suck are those who are afraid to look deep inside themselves and really know themselves.

Once you have identified said suck, you must tend to it as a medical professional tends to a broken bone or deep laceration in the skin. They disinfect a wound with things such as iodine, silver nitrate and surgery. The disinfectant you need once you've discovered and named your suck is knowledge. Read the self-help books. Scour the internet for chat rooms or blogs where you find others who can relate. Laugh. Cry. Shout. Be angry. Write the difficulties you're facing, your sucks, on old pottery and then smash them one by one. One of the most therapeutic disinfectants I have found in regards to my own moments of suck is to find an open field or an empty parking lot where no one is anywhere near you and start screaming. The only way you can truly do that is once you've discovered, dissected and named your suck. You'll know because in that moment of screaming you'll feel a release and begin to feel that you're taking control by letting all of the emotions tangled up inside of you out.

Once your suck has been identified and once you've begun to face it and disinfect it you must then find the right tools for bandaging yourself. Instead of gauze and steri-strips and stitches you bandage it by being honest with yourself and with those around you who care about you. You tell the truth. You turn to someone you trust be it a friend, relative or therapist and you talk openly and honestly. Do not be afraid to admit that you've thought of throwing in the towel. Do not be afraid to let them know just how low your suck has brought you but at the same time show them that despite it all you are determined to go down swinging. Go for long walks. Eat junk food now and then. Read sappy novels with no real content. Go out to that gathering you've been invited to. Go out to dinner or to have a coffee or drink with a friend. Remember what it is to smile a truly genuine smile. Get out there and do the things you've always loved and enjoyed. Though they might seem like little things, and they may well be, they carry the promise of removing some of the sting from what you're going through.

Finding yourself stuck in the trenches can be scary and quite painful at times. What you'll quickly realize, though if you are open to it, is that you're not alone and you've never truly been alone. We all, throughout the course of our lives, must learn to embrace the suck whether we consciously recognize it or not. One of my favorite scenes from the TV series The West Wing is when one character who has been a lifelong alcoholic takes another character who is suffering from PTSD aside and tells him the following story:

"This guy's walking down the street when he falls in a hole. The walls are so steep he can't get out.

"A doctor passes by and the guy shouts up, 'Hey you. Can you help me out?' The doctor writes a prescription, throws it down in the hole and moves on.

"Then a priest comes along and the guy shouts up, 'Father, I'm down in this hole can you help me out?' The priest writes out a prayer, throws it down in the hole and moves on

"Then a friend walks by, 'Hey, Joe, it's me can you help me out?' And the friend jumps in the hole. 

Our guy says, 'Are you stupid? Now we're both down here.' The friend says, 'Yeah, but I've been down here before and I know the way out.'"

Everyone in this world is fighting a secret battle within themselves that we just don't know about. We each have hurdles and we each hit potholes as we journey through this life. The day WILL come when we all die but I, for one, won't go easy. When it's my turn I will die kicking and screaming. I will rant and rave. My fingernails will be dug deep into the framework of death's door. I fully intend to go down swinging and embracing the suck the whole way.