A Stupid Question

“If you knew how this would all turn out would you have had that original surgery in the first place?”

This is a question that baffles me not only because it’s a stupid question but also for the number of times I’ve been asked it. When someone new hears my story of my leg and how I came to lose it I brace myself to hear this question because it is so often one of the first things they ask. Personally, I would never even think to ask someone a question like that. It’s reminiscent of the old “Other than that, Mrs. Lincoln, how did you like the play?” It’s insensitive, insane, and utterly stupid.

Let’s say, for a minute, that I was going to answer the question and attempt to give an honest answer (which I most often do not unless I’m in a mood and respond with any number of well played sarcastic comments).  If I were to say NO, if I’d known how it would all turn out I wouldn’t have ever had the first surgery that led me down this horrific path then I’d in essence be saying that because I did choose to have the surgery I somehow made the biggest mistake of my life. Believe it or not, I don’t see it as such. I simply see it as having been dealt a bad hand but if it wasn’t for what I’ve been through there are a lot of amazing people in my life currently that I’d have never met and things I’ve done I’d have never gotten to do. If I were to say YES, if I’d known how it would all turn out I would have still had the first surgery then I’m in essence saying I’m a sadistic glutton for punishment and I’ve spent the last 11 years of my life having a blast loving every minute of the pain. Both of the above statements are false and in the end it’s pointless because it doesn’t matter. I don’t have ESP, I couldn’t have known, and like most things in life there is no going back. There are no do-overs.

Every surgery carries risk. If you’ve ever found yourself in a pre-op area all dolled up in the oh so beautiful hospital cap and gown you’ve had to sign a waiver stating that you know there is a teeny tiny percentage of a risk of complications and/or death. Infection falls under that category and every surgeon, unless it’s his first time out, has at least a miniscule percentage of infection in their surgical background. How do you think that happens? Nobody wants it or plans for it but someone has to be that teeny tiny percentage. I, unfortunately, happened to be it. I developed a post-operative infection in my leg following a routine arthroscopic surgery. It happens. It’s rare…but it happens. It’s a horror show for everyone involved but it happens. For me, it happened back at the initial stages of the superbug craze that is taking over the world and I unfortunately caught one with my right knee. I signed the waiver and there’s no way of knowing how or why I developed the initial infection that started this road to hell.

I don’t regret having that initial surgery. I needed it. Do I wish it had gone by without any complications? Do I wish I hadn’t lost my leg to it a few years later? Do I wish I wasn’t still battling against infection for my life? You bet I do but wishes are just that…wishes. I could spend my time dwelling on everything that went wrong and wishing for a different outcome but what good would it do me? I am where I am now and living the life I live now. Dwelling on what could have been or whether or not I made a mistake only robs me of whatever time I have in the here in now doing the things I love to do when I’m well and not in the middle of an infection crisis.

“If you knew how this would all turn out would you have had that original surgery in the first place?” First of all, why is that a question you feel the need to ask? Second of all, why does it matter? The next time a stupid question such as this one pops into your mind do yourself a favor and put yourself in my shoe. Answer it for yourself as if you were me and I think then you might realize the asinine nature of the question and never ask it in the first place.