Is It Raining There Inside You

Is it raining there inside you?
It looks as if there's rain.
The way you walk -
The way you talk -
Those eyes so full of pain.

I know you're not the type to cry;
You bear all that you can -
But pain's deep trace engraves your face
And indicates a dam.

Is it raining in those walls?
Those walls of flesh and veins.
There's a thunder when you move -
That says...inside it rains.

Don't let your walls store up the rain.
Don't hold it there for years.
Open up your windowed eyes
And drip out the stormy tears.

Un-dam that bolted upstairs door.
Let the crashing waves splash out.
Let your words of pent-up turmoil flow
In whispered drips or spurted shouts.

Is it raining in your walls -
The walls that dam your pain?
Release the well,
Of life's burdens tell.
My friend, flood out your rain.


I wrote this poem several years ago when a friend was going through some hard times and have revisited it quite a lot especially during this past year. As hard as this past year has been between the medical aspects of my life, putting my trust in the hands of the wrong person, and the death of my sister I am aware that it has been raining inside of me for far longer.  It has been raining inside of me for years on end, I just refused to let myself see, feel, and accept that. I've come to recognize that we all build dams inside in an attempt to keep ourselves safe from the harm others might cause us or that life itself might cause us but that in doing so we only cause ourselves more pain and strife. There is no shame in the shedding of tears. There is no shame in acknowledging that we need help. There is no shame in allowing ourselves to be whatever we are and feel whatever we're feeling at any given moment.

There are many people for whom allowing the rain inside to flood out is a easy task. For these people it comes naturally. For others, however, allowing the rain inside to flood out feels incredibly unnatural and nearly impossible. I, myself, fall into the second category. It has never been easy for me to open up and bare my soul. I've seen a great deal of pain and hardship in my life that has not only caused me to build dams to protect myself but to continue to build them higher, stronger, and thicker. Learning to allow the rain inside of me to flood out has been a challenge and will continue to be a challenge but I am learning what we all must learn. We, as human beings, were never meant to traverse life, especially it's dark caves and steep uphill climbs, alone. We need to let others in. I'm not suggesting that you allow every person you come in contact with into your personal life and feelings but each of us has a few good friends and/or family members that we trust and love and who trust and love us. These are the people we need to allow in. We need to allow them to see beyond the good and the happiness we project to most of the world. We need to allow them into the darkest recesses of ourselves. We need to flood out our rain.