Amelia is a beautiful little girl and I'm always referred to as Aunt Meg which I love. She's such an easy going baby with the sweetest smile and cooing and good taste in music. She gets very excited when daddy plays Johnny Cash, Kenny Rogers and the songs of other such older country stars. I'm so grateful to be her aunt and to be a part of her life. I won't lie, it was at times bittersweet because I know that I will never get to be Aunt Meg to the children that my sister so desperately wanted. However, I know how happy Michaeleh is for me in getting to be Amelia's aunt.
I noticed something while I was with them that I'd noticed before but couldn't quite put my finger on. They aren't afraid to say my sister's name in my presence like so many seem to be and they didn't flinch if I said her name. So many people seem to believe that saying Michaeleh's name around me will cause me pain or isn't the right thing to do. I hate that. I truly do.
Yes, when her name is said I do sometimes tear up but they are tears of happiness and of thankfulness that you've not forgotten her or what she means to me. Yes, hearing her name causes me pain but it's a good kind of pain because she is and always will be my oldest sister and while I hate the reminder that she's no longer here physically I love her and miss her and hearing her name said helps me grieve.
The message behind this blog post is simply to ask that you please say my sister's name. Do not be afraid to mention her to me or share a memory of her. In life she was my sister, my friend, my hero, my shelter from the storm and in death she remains all of those things. Being her sister is the greatest honor I have ever been given. When she died a part of me died too and the hole left in my heart will never be filled but she's with me each and every day. The honor bestowed upon me of being her little sister is one that didn't end with her passing and wasn't just for the length of HER life. It is an honor that lasts for the length of MY lifetime.
If you know someone who has lost a loved one and you are wondering whether or not you should speak that person's name around them or are worried that it will only hurt them, think again. As I said, it will hurt but not in the way that you think it will. It will hurt because they were loved in life and they are still loved in death. It is a pain that we who have lost someone prematurely are grateful to feel because it's proof to us that you love and care for us and you haven't forgotten that a significant part of our hearts is forever damaged by the loss.
To those who continue to speak Michaeleh's name to me and continue to speak of her without fear of causing me pain all I can do is say THANK YOU. Thank you for not only remembering her but remembering who she was, is and always shall be to me.
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