The other day I had someone look at me, study my situation, and tell me that if it weren't for bad luck I'd have no luck at all. Thinking about it I realized that this person, while studying my situation, had blinders on and wasn’t seeing anything but the bad. They were seeing the pain, the Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, the surgeries, the tears, the loss of my leg, the infections that seem to have no end, the hospitalizations, the arterial hemorrhage in 2009, the blood transfusions, the really bad MS attacks brought on by the stress of surgery and anesthesia. They were seeing those things and only those things.
I don't blame them. Those are certainly the things that smack you in the face when you look at the last 10 years of my life and what I've been through. They are all very hard to miss. And while as a joke I might say that I agree with them about my bad luck the truth is that the statement that if it weren't for bad luck I'd have no luck at all is false and to me, blaringly so.
The most obviously blaring sign of good luck to me is that I'm alive. Infection is a very real, very scary, very deadly thing. People die from infections every single day and because of our overuse of antibiotics in this country more and more infections are becoming harder and harder to treat making the risk of death higher. I'm here. I'm alive. I've survived over 35 surgeries. I survived the horrific arterial hemorrhage of 2009, a one in a million catastrophe that left me bleeding profusely on my couch at home. I should have died and yet, here I am. I also have had an amazing medical team, which I'm grateful to every day. I have had to change recently due to how long this crisis has lasted and the fact that one of my surgeons will be retiring but until recently I had nationally top ranked doctors who have each given me their home numbers. They are no longer my doctors but I know I can still call them if the need is there and I have. At one point, when I returned to the hospital after a break, everyone from the registration people, the pre-op nurses, my anesthesiologist, my OR nurses, and my surgeon's chief resident immediately recognized me, knew it had been 7 months since the last surgery and the first thing every single one of them said was "Oh Meg, we really thought we'd finally kicked it. We thought we'd finally gotten you infection free." Knowing so many people at a hospital so well isn't anyone's idea of good fortune but I'm so lucky that since fate has decreed that I have to know these people, and know them well, that they are some of the best people I've ever met.
I have two incredible parents who make sure that I know I'm not alone in this fight. They put on brave faces to help change my dressings even though it hurts them to have to hurt me. I have two incredible older sisters who would move mountains for me in a heartbeat and have on some occasions. Not a day goes by when I'm in the hospital that I don't get a phone call from both of them. They put things in their own lives on hold for me. My neighbors, friends of my sisters, friends of my parents - they are all willing to do whatever they can whether it's just to drop off flowers or to go pick up supplies at the medical store for us. I have had friends go out of their way to come and visit me at the hospital to make sure that I know that I am not alone.
Some of the incredible people I'm surrounded by aren't physically here. They're spread around the country and even around the world. Many of them I keep in touch with on Facebook. They are the people who immediately know something isn't right because they pick up on the fact that I've not been posting funny pictures or I haven't been making snarky comments. They see that almost all activity on my page by me has ceased and immediately they spring into action hunting down the reason for my disappearance. They rally around me sending me prayers, good wishes, thoughts and more. They ask after me and they watch my updates anxiously waiting for the one that says I'm doing well and getting back to my normal self. Those with my phone number text and call just to make sure I know they care. I've even been honored and humbled by having wounded warriors, our nation's heroes, reach out to me.
Yes, when it comes to my health I've hit a lot of rough patches and I've certainly had plenty of bad luck but it hasn't all been bad. To those who look at me with pity and see only the bad that has come into my life I simply ask that you also open your eyes and see all of the good. When you see the good you'll realize there is no reason to show me pity. Without being lucky enough to have such an incredible support system of family and friends I couldn't do this. I am endlessly grateful to each and every one of them and consider myself beyond lucky to have them in my corner.
“If it weren’t for bad luck I’d have no luck at all” That may be true on some level but not on the levels that count the most. Thank you to all of you who keep my GOOD LUCK meter full!
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