What it Means to Be Strong

The phrase “you’ve got to be strong” is one we’ve all heard numerous times over the years when our lives suddenly veer off course for any number of reasons such as a serious illness or injury, financial problems, having a loved one deployed to a war zone or the sudden loss of a job. It may be due to an event that directly affects us or perhaps it’s an event that happens to someone we know and love. Whatever the case may be, “you’ve got to be strong” is one of those good old standby responses people say when they aren’t really sure what else to say. We’ve all heard it and we’ve all said it. I, myself, said it just the other day to a new amputee and it got me thinking.

What does it really mean to be strong and what is it about a person that earns them the label of being strong? Surely this strength we all hear about and talk about has nothing to do with our physical muscles and abilities for appearances are often deceiving. A person can have a perfectly toned and strong exterior while on the inside they are falling apart making their strong exterior nothing more than a mask. So again I ask what it all means. What qualifies someone as strong? The simplest answer is that the strength we all hear about and talk about is a combination of a person’s mentality and their emotional strength. For someone like me, however, that answer is far too generic and doesn’t really answer the question.

I’ve been told that I possess a great amount of strength although I don’t view myself or my actions as such. Instead I simply view it as doing what I have to do to survive and achieve my goals. While I never quite know how to respond to it and have a hard time seeing myself that way, I do understand why people feel that way about me and I certainly know many people that I personally view as possessing a great amount of strength. Drawing on my observations of such people in my life and my observations of complete strangers I’ve crossed paths with while sitting in waiting rooms or during my various hospitalizations I’ve compiled my own criteria for what I feel being strong means.

I believe that the Serenity Prayer is a perfect example of some of the qualities a strong person possesses. Strong people have the ability to recognize that there are some things in life that can not be changed no matter how much we might want them to change and no matter how hard we try to make it so. Strong people also have the ability to recognize that there are things we CAN change in our lives and they are willing to put in the effort and time to make those changes. Most importantly, strong people have the ability to tell the difference between that which we can change and that which we can not. Instead of dwelling on what can’t be changed, strong people throw themselves wholeheartedly into what they can change and refuse to give up and refuse to lose hope no matter how tough the going gets.

Strong people do not see tears as a sign of weakness but instead realize that sometimes crying is exactly what is needed. Being strong means not hiding the tears and daring to carry on afterward with your head held high. Strong people don’t dwell on or get stuck in the bad moments. They may linger there a short while but they recognize the importance of getting back up every time they fall and continuing to push forward. Strong people don’t hide from the truth and aren’t afraid to face the music of their mistakes. Being strong means confronting the sometimes ugly truth, accepting it and learning from mistakes. Strong people don’t run from change. Instead they stand tall and face it no matter how painful the blows landed by the fists of change may be. Strong people don’t let ego or pride control them. Being strong means tossing those things to the side and not being afraid to ask others for help. Strong people don’t allow the bad things that have happened consume them and make them bitter angry people. Instead they search out the silver lining and focus on the positive things. Strong people know that it’s not about how many of life’s dragons you are able to destroy on your own. Being strong means recognizing that you are not alone and acknowledging the people in our lives who gladly shoulder some of the burden without ever having been asked to do so. Strong people know that, as the late Elizabeth Edwards once said, “There’s a trick to being strong, and the trick is that nobody does it alone.”

These are just a few of the qualities that we recognize in those people we call strong and these are just a few of the qualities that we are meant to be reminded of when we are told that we need to be strong. It is a simple fact of life that hard times will find each and every one of us to some degree and what might appear to be a miniscule struggle to one person may in fact be the Mount Everest of struggles to another. No one sets out specifically seeking a multitude of struggles in their lifetime and yet it is precisely the struggles we face that build us up, make us stronger, and mold us into the people we are today.

I’m certain that if you were to look up what strength means in the dictionary you’d find quite an assortment of definitions. If you then chose 10 people and added a handful of their personal definitions of what it means to be strong I have no doubt that you’d be able to compile an assortment of definitions that would fill multiple pages. But it doesn’t matter how many definitions and synonyms for being strong there might be. What matters is that we each discover what our own personal definition of strength is and that we try our best to live up to it.

I started this with two simple questions in hopes of this blog possibly being a lantern to help illuminate the paths of those who are still trudging slowly through the darkness. What does it really mean to be strong? And what is it about a person that earns them that label? I will end this blog by asking one more. What is YOUR definition of what it means to be a strong person?