Thank You All

It has been awhile since I posted a new blog because with so many intense things happening, writing about it got lost other than updates on Facebook. So allow me to start this blog post by dedicating it. This post is one giant shoutout to all of you who’ve had my back and still have it. Some of you I’ve known from the very beginning of this nightmarish journey. Some of you I’ve met along the way through the years. Some of you are relatively new to my journey and still never hesitate to offer support. Some I personally know while others I only know through electronic social media. Some I don’t really keep track of and others I will admit to periodically stalking. Some I talk to several times a week while others it’s a rare occasion to catch up every two months or so. I guess what I’m saying is that I know a lot of incredible people whether I know them via computers, texts, calls, or in person and I am beyond fortunate and beyond blessed surrounding me.

I’d come to the inevitable conclusion that we couldn’t save my right arm weeks before my surgeon ever brought it to my attention. I just knew the limitations of even the very best of the best surgeons had been reached. I’ve been on a new emotional, physical, strange, and scary rollercoaster ever since. I promise that I do have a great many, “once the pain quiets down I can so do this” moments which I know are the truest moments. I’d be lying, however, if I said I haven’t had a ton of “I’ll never be able to live like this, it’s too damn hard” moments. A very dear friend of mine wounded severely in Afghanistan who has pushed through hell to rejoin his beloved Marine Corps once described me as “a grunt who never got to be a grunt.” I was humbled and honored to be described that way by a wounded warrior at the time and I am humbled and honored every time it crosses my mind. 

You see, one of the ways I’ve gotten lucky is first by having a very black and white perspective of most things. Rarely is there ever any gray area with me whether it’s something as simple as picking furniture or as big and important as decisions about my medical treatments. My oldest sister used to say that I am a YES and NO person. I will at times attempt to be a middle of the road MAYBE person but it never works. She loved telling people about “The Couch” to drive this home to people. I went with her years ago to pick new furniture for her living room. I was brought because other than one other person, I was the tallest person she could think of who might sleep on it. I laid down on the first one and knew it was right but being the dutiful little sister I went to other stores and laid on other couches and was always immediate with any NOs but unconvincing when I’d say MAYBE. We returned to that first store and that first couch and she bought it. It’s still in use today by a friend of mine who decided with her husband to take it after my sister died.

One other way I’ve been lucky is that I’m damn good at improvising, adapting, and overcoming. I’ve always been that way perhaps in part due to being the youngest by many years. My natural setting for surmounting obstacles in my life including pain has always been the same improvise, adapt, and overcome attitude of the United States Marines without ever realizing it until becoming close to many Marines. For those unfamiliar with the Marines or military in general; Marines are taught to be able to overcome any obstacle in their path. The slogan: “Improvise, Adapt, and Overcome” is a mindset. It allows Marines to deal with physical, mental, and emotional strain and situations. This is the mindset I was born with; not one I’ve needed to learn.

The most important way I’ve gotten lucky is that I have you. I have an amazing support system of family, friends, peers,, former teachers as well as an incredible medical team. Some of you are friends I’ve known my whole life while others I’ve only recently met in the past few years. Some of these friendships go back to the days of MySpace. Many of these friendships are rooted in shared medical struggles and others were born of chance either in randomly crossing paths with someone or getting to know them because they are important to people I care about.

I would not still be alive today if it weren’t for all of you. I wish I could make sure every single friend of mine sees this because I know that so many feel helples. Readthis and know you help far more than you know. I could not have survived 70+ surgeries, two amputations, and the death of my eldest sister without those of you who’ve been willing to help me carry my burdens.